September is Suicide Prevention Month, a time to raise awareness, support mental health, and provide understanding to those affected by suicide loss. For the loss survivors, the pain can be overwhelming, and knowing how to talk to them can feel especially difficult. The biggest challenge? We often don't know what to say. But knowing how to approach these conversations with care and compassion is the key to offer support.

The hardest part about talking to someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide is finding the right words. The grief they are experiencing is complex, layered with different emotions all at once, which can make the usual words of comfort feel inadequate or even hurtful. Sometimes, our well-meaning words can unintentionally add to their pain.

Let’s tackle these guides on providing comfort to survivors properly. 

What Not To Say:

• "They're in a better place now."
  Quite the common phrase, and while meant to provide comfort, this can imply that their life here wasn't valuable or that it’s somehow better that they’re gone. This can inflict more pain than comfort, insinuating that their life here was never good, or they weren’t given attention well enough.
  
  
• "I know exactly how you feel."
  No experience can ever be the same. Even if you have also lost someone close, every grief and feeling is unique, especially when it comes to a loss by suicide. It’s impossible to fully understand someone’s pain and grief because it’s shaped by different connections and circumstances. This phrase can unintentionally make the person feel like their grief is being compared.
  
  
• "At least they’re not suffering anymore."
  It’s common to try and find something positive in a tragic situation, and this phrase has the intention of providing a silver lining. However, this can suggest that death was the better choice, which can be extremely painful for the survivors to hear and might increase feelings of guilt or anger.
  
  
• "You need to be strong."
  While meant to provide a positive push, this can pressure the survivor into feeling they have to hide their emotions or suppress their grief. Just being able to keep going, and wrapping the idea of a tragic loss is already a strong stand from the survivors. Grieving is a process and only time will tell when they will truly be able to cope. 
  
  
• "Why did they do it?"
  Asking for details about the person's death can come off as intrusive or insensitive. They may already be struggling with questions of "why" themselves and feel guilty or angry about what happened. Probing them to explain could bring up overwhelming emotions or make them feel responsible for explaining something that they don’t even understand themselves.

When talking to someone who’s lost a loved one to suicide, it’s best to avoid trying to explain or make sense of what happened. Here are some phrases to use instead to offer comfort:

• "I’m here for you"
  Sometimes, just being there is enough. Offering your presence is one of the most powerful things you can do. By saying "I’m here for you," you’re letting them know they can count on you, even if they just need someone to sit quietly with them.
  
  
• "I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm here to listen"
  Acknowledging that you can’t fully understand their pain shows humility and respect for their feelings. Saying this helps take off the pressure and relays that you’re there to just listen and be a friend. This makes them feel heard and supported without needing to explain everything perfectly.
  
  
• "It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling"
  Emotions after a loss by suicide is complex, it can range from sadness to guilt, anger, or even relief. Letting the survivor know that any feeling is valid can provide comfort. This helps them feel accepted instead of thinking they need to hide how they feel.
  
  
• "Take your time – there’s no right way to grieve"
  Grief is different for everyone, and it doesn’t follow a timeline. Saying this helps the person know they don’t need to rush or feel pressured to “move on”. It reassures them that their journey is their own, and they’re allowed to take as long as they need to feel their emotions and heal.

Supporting a suicide loss survivor is about being there, listening without judgment, and validating their feelings. Your words may not erase their pain, or may not heal their wounds, but your presence and compassion can help them feel less alone in their grief. Remember, it's okay not to have all the right words—what matters most is showing you care, without trying to solve or fix their loss. Just being there makes all the difference. ❤️